Fuente de todo lo que es bueno y Madre de todos nosotros.

I've been playing video games for the better part of 28 years now. I'm 30. If you do the math, you'll realize I've been in this thing since before I could read or even speak properly. Hell, I hadn't even dropped the whole "pacifier sucking" thing and I was already into 'dem vidyajames.

Now, while that does not make me an expert or anything like that, you and I can agree that I've played my fair share of games, I've experience. Right?

Well of all those games I've gone through, if you were to ask my opinion on what is the best, most awesome video game I have ever played in nearly thirty years, I would, without a doubt or hesitation say: Okami.



No ifs, buts, or maybes.

Okami. Full stop.

Yes, it even beats any and all Dragon Quests, and bear in mind I'm a pretty huge DQ dork, so this is kind of a big deal.

To me, at least, Okami is the "Watchmen" of its medium; a defining work and an example to follow, the standard of quality that all video games should measure up to, an example of what a video game can be if its potential is fully realized.

And of course, a work of art.

Yes, I'm one of those "gaems c'n be art, hurr durr" faggots.

No, not all video games are art, and yes, I agree with Roger Ebert on a lot of the points he made on how video games are not an art form, but I also think Okami is in fact a pretty good counter argument to a lot of the points Mr. Ebert touches on, and again, to me this is a pretty big deal, I'm a rather big fan of Roger Ebert. In my universe, his word is law and going against his word is unnatural and wrong, and yet here we are, that's how impressed and awed I am at how brilliant and amazing Okami is.

Or, to plagiarize a quote from Yahtzee and mutate it for my own retarded purposes: If I were Batman, Okami would be my murdered parents.

It's an extremely well put together bit of entertainment software: It has beautiful graphics, fantastic music, it's incredibly fun to play, its controls are precise, innovative and intuitive, its protagonist is likable and charismatic (the fact that the protagonist of the story isn't even human and yet has more charisma than many human protagonists, further illustrates my point of just how fucking awesome Okami is), its story may be a bit simplistic, yet it goes to the point, instead of faffing about in a myriad of idiotic tangents (Insert an overly easy to make jab at modern Final Fantasy here.), and its world building is unparalleled.

The fucked up bit?

It sold like shit. Go ahead and look it up on Wikipedia, it says so right there: "Commercial failure". That means it didn't sell well. At all.

Now then, to shamelessly steal even more content from Yahtzee, let's all participate in a little social experiment, shall we?

First off, go get a pen or pencil, right this moment and insert it between your second and third fingers in either one of your hands. Now, with your other hand, proceed to squeeze your fingers towards the pen. You might want to apply a moderately hard amount of pressure there to achieve the desired effect.

Did that hurt?

I'm glad it did, as it's a fitting punishment for not having bought Okami you fucking twat.

Now, normally you'd think that a sequel to Okami would be nothing short of a blue-eyed miracle, I mean come on, "commercial failure" and all that. Clover Studio disbanded. The world in ruins.

Welp.



Whaddya know! There ARE such things as miracles! Pretty far fucking out, innit?

THIS is proof that goddess Amaterasu, mother to us all, loves you, me, and everyone else.

Now comes the passionate plea: Please buy this thing. I like video games. I kinda like this industry, it needs more Okami, more Psychonauts, more Ico and more Shadow of the Colossus and less Halo, less Madden, less Guitar Hero and less Call of Duty.

Yes, it's for DS, no it's not as good as its predecessor, but it's still a pretty damned decent adventure game and it looks fucking incredible for a DS game.

Got a Nintendo DS? Got a little extra income? Get this fucker, it's one of the best portable games to come out this year. I mean, come on, tell me you can say no to him:







Go on then. Say "no" to him, you cold-hearted fucker. Say it. Not even I could do it, and I don't even have feelings anymore. Say "no" to pore lil' Chibiterasu, I double dog dare you, motherfucker.

And hey, apropos of nothing, here's another blurry picture of me desk so I can show I'm better than you because I own two video games you probably do not:



So there you go. You've now had a glimpse at a bigger world and now know that there can be fine art in the world of video games, you now know that not everything is about mountains of muscles shooting retarded looking aliens, or spiky haired animu faggots talking about their feelings. Spread the knowledge amongst your friends, and yes, I fully endorse using physical violence to coerce said friends to buy Okami and Okami Den.

Well? Go on then! What're you waiting for? Get the fuck out and buy them! NAO!